Breaking the glass wall

The bell rang..on the other side it was HR head for discussing the workshop details, a general call to a behavioural trainer- where one needs to understand the objectives behind the workshop, what is the setup, what is the level of participants and what would be probable challenges one needs to assess before getting the framework ready for the workshop. I finished my discussion and kept the phone down...was completely lost in my thoughts unaware that my daughter was watching me from far...

She could not hold on for long, never before she had seen her mom reacting like this post any discussion, she gently tapped me on my shoulder...and I just reacted - you know what...I will have Belapure Sir as one of the participant...how can I...it's just not...oh no...I Can't...

My chain of thoughts took me back in 1988/89...I had joined as a trainee in Cipla in Production Dept, a fresher, when enters in real working environment, it's a very impressionable age and that one year actually makes lot of changes in you as one needs to make that shift as a professional from student. My immediate boss- Prabhu Sir was there to guide me, shield me in case I goofed up(and I did, sometimes) and our Top boss was Belapure Sir. A charismatic persona, bubbling with energy that one can't miss on and his connect to all of us was something that got me feeling awe about him, always approachable even by a most junior candidate like me, never missed on a chance to even ask me about what changes could be done for better results. For his entire team...he was always there to take care , support, guide.

And he never looked tensed-made complicated things look easy.

Yes-for me the best living example so far, as far as leadership is concerned was him, yeah...one day I wanted to be like him...every junior trainee thinks like that-nothing new...One Day....

And "THE BELAPURE SIR" I had to face- in audience...

For me it has been a big- I CAN'T

I never allowed any of my friends, known trainer, people whom I admire to be part of my session. I thought it would surely make me uncomfortable and I will lose on my regular confident performance.

There I was...one more glass wall, I had no choice and had to break and with none other than LORD OF LEADERS in audience.

My daughter had heard a lot about Sir before...she chuckled and said..."break that glass wall mom!!!"

And yes I did it...now I will not mind anyone...just anyone as my participant, I know I have broken the glass wall successfully.

Is our life journey nothing but recognising these glass walls that we have built all around us, and breaking them and setting yourself free and moving to the next glass wall?

When I started my journey as a trainer, while training others I realised I have many such I Can'ts, and I will move ahead as a trainer only when I confront those I CAN'T s and gain my confidence. 2016 has been very fruitful journey, when I look back at the year I am feeling truly satisfied to have broken some of the glass walls.

• As a freelance trainer my dates are always booked in advance and with increase in work sometimes I am forced to give a date which is post 2, 3 months. This has always put me in worried state and I had discussed this with close friends about the same, what if that day I am not fit, I am unable to deliver with my regular energy that I am known for? In Aug, this year I was on outdoor tour and I suffered throat and stomach infection both at the same time. For next two days I was completely low on my physical energy as I just could not gulp and digest what I ate. But surprising I sailed through, I could deliver and nothing stopped me from putting my thoughts across the same way I always do... Post this experience I am confident while giving dates-I know I can pull through with my mental energy.
• I have never stayed away from my home, my family for more than 2,3 days. This year I had a long travel plan with almost 45 days in AUG-SEPT, out of which 30 days was a continuous stretch, this was a glass wall again...how could my house run without my inspection? Who would be there in case of emergency, will my daughter be able to manage emotionally without me? And most of all...will I be able to manage away from my 'Den' for so long?

I took it up, and yes the glass wall broke...with new confidence in me...Oh it was not that difficult after all....

• I was doing leadership camp for an NGO for a municipality school in Karnataka where the first language was Kannada and second was English. I was almost not prepared for this scene, when I was told the situation I almost started perspiring...I didn't know their local language at all, I finally decided to do with one of the teachers as translator. In my mind I was more than nervous...the workshop started. I could gauge the students could understand me when I dramatized things but could not respond, the facilitators hat just did the trick, the two black boards were used as Flip charts for them to pour what they feel, and my job was done, I had their participation, laughter and newly acquired confidence. At end of the two days' workshop, students poured their love on me making me cry...the experience to cherish for lifetime.

A glass wall —a true trainer will not have a language barrier...yes-its true. So far it was knowledge-now WISDOM.

• The experiential, high end workshop for managers require huge energy levels to get the participants involvement, at end of the two day workshop I always feel tired. One program had to be done 4 days in continuation, that too for seasoned managers, I tried asking for a day's break in between but the management had genuine issues. Yes-I did, and amazingly at end of the fourth day I was still left with some more energy...I realised it when one of the participant mentioned about it. One more glass wall.... broke!!
• The last in the list- My dad always wanted me to learn Hindustani classical vocal, but could not really manage during my younger days, I learnt for two years during my B. Pharm, but could not continue. 11 years back I resumed back and gave 3 more exams....Dad was happy, jubilant that I was making his dream come true....and 8 years back-he just left us. It took my whole purpose away, there was no one for me now-whom I had to show my singing exam results, no one was eager to hear my new song. He was not there to keep his hand on my head and tell me I sang well...it was not worth it anymore....

But it was in my bucket list, and did mention this to my daughter few days back...

And there she was...like a grown up child, kept her arms around my shoulder and whispered-‘Mom-just go for it.'

I have managed to enrol myself though it's an uphill task with my hoarse voice and busy schedule.

But the fact remains that I managed to break the glass wall....

For this coming year I wish all the readers, friends and my close ones to find their glass walls and courage to break...

Wish you all a happy new year!!!