Stressed Parents-Stressed Child

During my training sessions I generally have an open discussion with students first, about the different areas where they experience stress

And Parental stress becomes a very predominant domain.

Most of them came up with parents trying to control their life, be it friends, be it their academic life, be it decision about their career, what they should wear, where they should hang out, what they should read and also how they should study.

Generally in the teenage they feel they have just left the childhood phase behind and now is the time they should be allowed to have freedom to choose what they want , but unfortunately most of them are not really equipped for the same.

Asking the child to do a particular course or learn a particular language is very common as parents think they know what is expected out there in the world to be successful, for fulfilling theses goals they need to have their time management-now how will a child know what time management is all about –leave the fact that in most of the corporate companies the first topic chosen for training is "time management", so how do you think the child will know anything about that? it is natural that parents then fix their time for study, their time for college, their time for watching TV and their time for social networking and so on…each day we keep hearing about wrong influence children have due to wrong set of friends- so parent need to actually know who all the child is mingling with, are they from a right background, are they indulging in wrong things, are they getting into bad habits due to their friends?

Oh - that's lot of work and pressure on today's parents, as they want their child to be safe, to be successful, I think I should have said super successful, have perfect life now and afterwards, also should have friends who will just help him grow towards his ambition or goal and not expect any personal help in return as that might just take away their child's time and efforts.

Now it is obvious that parent today is very stressed out but the student is also stressed out and it is just the result of parent's undue concern and overprotective behavior.

Can we all look at a very simple solution- parents just need to be a friend to the child in first place.

We try and become a friend when he has already made friends why not from beginning, and this will happen only when the child knows that he is liked by the parents the way he is or what he is, that sense of complete acceptance is the beginning of your peaceful relationship with your child.

There is a constant effort from parents to change the child as they expect him to be perfect, most of the time we hear them saying-"yes you are good but do this to improve on"," look at that boy learn something"..they think the child is their extension and forget that the child is an individual- the most important thing parents need to understand is

"idam na mama" that is- it's not mine, my job is just that of a facilitator and for that child should feel you are a friend to him.

When the child starts spending more time with friends in teenage I think parents must accept that this is their phase to be with friends and enjoy their company-we generally forget how much we used to crave for the extra time to spend with our friends when we were that age.

I have heard many parents claiming that they are friendly to their children, most of them actually giving in to their children's wishes and calling it being friendly.

Friend is someone with whom we are very comfortable with, we can expose ourselves in front of him without feeling guilty afterwards, where there is no question of pretending, and the one who accepts you the way you are…direct dil don't need to impress him / her and just be yourself..does your child feels the same for you or more important question would be-do you feel the same for your child? As any relationship just can't be one way.

If the child is trying to hide something-either he knows he is wrong or he feels parents won't understand him. Then there is no trust and thereby no friendship.

If the child knows he is accepted by his parents and there is unconditional love assured, he has a friend in his parents, it is very unlikely that the child will be drawn away into wrong doing under outside influence as parents certainly have much bigger advantage as far as time is concerned, parents have spent much more time with child than his friends and if you have communicated right things to him by then, he will come to you when he needs a right advice, and it's much easier that way then to not trust the child and keep checking moving camera stuck to his collar of shirt.